Interview with Gabby Bernstein: How Meditation Improves Relationships

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  • Kevin interviewed Gabby by zoom, and cleaned up the audio to make it more concise. Then we made it into a cool audiogram with highlighting on the words. Check it out below, or on the audiogram page here!

    Below is how the interview appears in our print magazine:


    Meditation Magazine: Can meditation help us attract the romantic relationships that we want? 

    Gabby: Definitely! Yeah. Absolutely.

    It amplifies our attracting power, and it helps us be more resonant with other humans. 

    MM: How can meditation help us improve romantic relationships once we are in them?

    Gabby: When we meditate, we can return to the truth of who we are, which is our undamaged, resourced, adult, calm, compassionate, courageous part of who we are. 

    So the more often we spend time in that stillness and that higher self, the more we can bring it into our day-to-day lives. 

    Our relationships are where we get triggered the most. So a meditation practice that’s regular, steady and committed can help us self-soothe in those moments of being triggered, can help us have more sustainable calm and peace, and help us be less activated in those moments.

    MM: How can meditation help us resolve conflicts in romantic relationships?

    When we are in a reactive place, we can use our meditation as a way of grounding, as a way of finding a center, as a way of practicing forgiveness, and releasing and surrendering. So it’s a great way to recalibrate when we don’t have that kind of aligned connection. 

    The habit and the practice of meditation creates a healthier human. It gives you a lot more resilience, and a sense of safety inside. And so, when you have activated that place of safety within yourself, you can be less activated by others.

    MM: Can meditation help us heal in breakups?

    Yes. There are a lot of forgiveness meditations that I’ve taught over the years about releasing people and cutting cords, and really energetically sending someone off.

    Because sometimes, when we break up with someone, we still carry that attachment cord towards them. We hold on to it, and obsess over it. And sometimes the healthiest thing to do is to cut the cord to let it go. So much of that can be done through our energy, not just through our words and our actions. 

    And so our meditation pillow is sometimes the greatest place to forgive, release, let go, surrender, and cut the cord. 

    Gabby’s 5 Tips For Using Meditation To Deepen Romantic Relationships

    Tip 1

    Dropping the baggage from past relationships.

    Sometimes we carry baggage from past relationships into present relationships. If this baggage is weighing you down in your current relationship, you can do a visualization meditation, where you visualize your old partner in front of you, and see the cord that’s attached. Then you can welcome, whether it be a sword, or an image of an angel holding the sword, and cutting that cord. And so, through visualization meditation, you can cut the cord between yourself and that previous partner, to release you from past relationships, so that you can show up for your new relationships with freedom, and no baggage from the past. 

    Tip 2 

    Use breath practice to self-regulate during conflicts.

    Inhale two short strokes through your nose, and exhale one long stroke through your mouth, as a way of self-regulating when you’re in the midst of an argument or a conflict when triggered. 

    Tip 3 

    Practice a mudra and a mantra to take responsibility for dissolving conflicts.

    You can repeat the mantra (out loud or in your head):

    “Peace begins with me. Peace begins with me.”

    You can combine this mantra with a mudra, to help you focus and stay grounded in your body. For example, as you repeat each word, you can touch your thumb to the other fingers on the same hand:

    • When you say the word “peace,” touch your thumb to your forefinger (both on the same hand).
    • When you say the word “begins,” touch your thumb to your middle finger.
    • When you say the word “with,” touch your thumb to your ring finger.
    • When you say the word “me,” touch your thumb to your pinky finger.

    This mantra & mudra can help you to dissolve conflict, give you confidence in the moment, and relax your nerves. 

    Tip 4

    Do a “heart-hold” to reduce codependence.

    Place your hand on your heart, and your other hand on your belly, and meditate in that hold to create a sense of safety, and to feel less codependent, less needy, less reliant on others for your own happiness. 

    Tip 5 

    You can pray for other people through meditation.

    When a partner or friend is struggling, you can hold their vision in your mind, and send them love, send them light from your heart. You can’t control them, but you can extend your energy to them.


    MM: Do you feel like meditation and mindfulness helps you be a better mom?

    Yeah, without a shadow of a doubt. Because our children are always co-regulating with our energy. They need our presence, because they can’t access their own with ease. 

    The more we are grounded, the more we are connected, the more present we are, the calmer our energy, the more stable we are, the more they will be. Because their sponge neurons are just picking up everything.

    So our meditation practice is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children, because that steadiness offers steadiness in their lives.

    MM: Do you think meditation/mindfulness can help us give more love to our kids?

    Sure, of course!

    When we love ourselves more, we can love our children with a lot more of an open heart. When we feel at peace within ourselves, we can bring more peace to the relationship with our child. 

    I think that they can feel a deeper connection to us when we have that connection to a higher power of our own understanding, and to our breath, and to our serenity… the ripple effect is real!

    MM: Can meditation help us receive more love from our kids in a more powerful way?

    Yeah! I think that the result of having a meditation practice is that you can create a safer environment for everyone in your life, and in that environment you can receive more love.

    Gabby: 3 Ways Meditation Helps Us Be Better Parents

    1. Meditation calms your nervous system. Children are co-regulating with their parents, so this calms their nervous systems as well.
    1. Meditation can help you get better sleep. The better you sleep, the better parent you are. 

    Having a steady meditation practice helps you be less reactive and more compassionate. Having compassion for small children in particular is extremely important, because we can get flooded when they’re flooded. So having that steadiness and compassion is a great gift to them.

    To read more about the full interview and get this issue (and also get 4 more issues in your first year), don’t forget to subscribe! Digital mag | print magazine!

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