This article is intended as a practical \u201chow-to\u201d guide (skip to the \u201cPractical Guide\u201d at the bottom if you\u2019re in a rush), so without going into too much depth about the \u201ctheory\u201d behind metta meditation, here\u2019s a basic idea of why we do this:<\/p>\n
Metta Meditation increases our ability to love (and be loved by) others.<\/strong><\/p>\n When you practice loving kindness meditation, you are essentially\u00a0practicing<\/em> generating feelings of empathy, compassion, and love in your own mind. \u00a0They say \u201cpractice makes perfect,\u201d and there\u2019s a lot of depth to that tidbit of conventional wisdom. \u00a0Most people think about practice in the way that they think about psychology; you are getting better at something by changing the way your\u00a0mind<\/em> works,\u00a0getting used to something<\/em>, becoming more knowledgable about something, etc. \u00a0This is all true, of course, but the power of practice goes far deeper than that; in fact, it goes all the way down to the level of your brain cells.<\/p>\n When you practice loving kindness meditation, you actually change the structure of your brain. \u00a0You strengthen the parts of your brain that are involved with empathy, compassion, and love. \u00a0This brain-strengthening\u00a0isn\u2019t unique to metta meditation; it applies to all forms of meditation, and truly all forms of\u00a0practice<\/em> in general. \u00a0To read more about how meditation changes the actual neurological structure of your brain, check out my article on meditation & neuroplasticity<\/a>.<\/p>\n Now, if you\u2019re one of those billions of lonely humans\u00a0on this planet whose deepest, most secretest\u00a0wish is to have people in your life who truly deeply unconditionally love you\u2026 well then\u00a0you may be thinking \u201cHow will practicing generating empathy, compassion, and love get other people<\/em> to love me<\/em>? \u00a0This isn\u2019t one of those \u201cmagic law of attraction\u201d things is it?\u201d \u00a0Well, no\u2026 it\u2019s not magic, it\u2019s human nature.<\/p>\n People love to be around people who love them. \u00a0This is a pretty obvious psychological fact. \u00a0If you could\u00a0choose to be around\u00a0someone who<\/p>\n (a) loves you and wants you to be happy\u2026 whose every facial expression, word, and action is coming from a desire to make you smile,<\/em><\/p>\n (b) doesn\u2019t really care about your happiness and acts chiefly in accordance with his or her own self-interest, or<\/em><\/p>\n (c) someone who actively hates your guts (whether secretly or otherwise), whose behavior is (both consciously and unconsciously) intended to bring you down,<\/em><\/p>\n \u2026 which\u00a0would you choose? \u00a0I\u2019d venture a guess and say you chose option (a). \u00a0Gasp! \u00a0How did I know that? \u00a0Clearly, meditation has turned me into a psychic wizard.<\/p>\n Anyway, as you can see, being an empathetic, compassionate, loving person can help surround you with people who want to be near you. \u00a0But wait, there\u2019s more! \u00a0Being surrounded by people who want to be near you for their own happiness doesn\u2019t equal \u201cbeing loved by others.\u201d \u00a0It\u2019s more like \u201cbeing needed by others.\u201d \u00a0So where does the lovin\u2019\u00a0come in?<\/p>\n There\u2019s a concept in pop psychology that goes something like \u201cthe people around you mirror your state.\u201d \u00a0The idea is that if you\u2019re very anxious, the people around you will be more anxious. \u00a0If you\u2019re relaxed, the people around you will be more relaxed. \u00a0If you\u2019re more empathetic, compassionate, and loving, the people around you will be more empathetic, compassionate, and loving. \u00a0This psychological truth is echoed in conventional western wisdom; something like \u201cyou get what you give\u201d and \u201cwhat you put out comes back to you.\u201d \u00a0Many people use the word \u201ckarma\u201d to refer to this phenomenon. \u00a0Of course, on a physiological\u00a0level, it all boils down to neurobiology (as usual).<\/p>\n We humans have brain cells called \u201cmirror neurons\u201d whose basic function is to bring someone else\u2019s psycho-physiological state into our own bodies through our sensory perceptions of that other person. \u00a0So, if you see another person who looks anxious, your mirror neurons cause you to become anxious yourself. \u00a0This part of our neurological programming is likely a result of our evolutionary trajectory as a herd-like, social species.<\/p>\n When you have trained your brain to generate love, you become a more loving person. \u00a0When other people experience you, they experience psychological and physiological states of\u00a0love<\/em>. \u00a0So, not only will practicing loving kindness meditation help you attract other people who just want to be around you for their own happiness, it will also help those people generate love in their own hearts & minds (physiologically: in their own brains & central nervous systems). \u00a0So you kind of just end up surrounded by a bunch of people who love you deeply and want to be around you.<\/p>\n Nice.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Metta Meditation increases our ability to love ourselves, and thereby increases our happiness levels.<\/strong><\/p>\n Increasing your brain\u2019s capacity for loving kindness doesn\u2019t just make you more loving toward others<\/em>, but also makes you more loving toward yourself. \u00a0Your brain is simply\u00a0producing more feelings of love<\/em>. \u00a0When you are focused on others, that love will be directed toward them. \u00a0When you are focused on yourself, that love will be directed toward yourself.<\/p>\n Many people think that the term\u00a0\u201cself-love\u201d means something like \u201cthinking highly of yourself.\u201d \u00a0In truth, however, \u201cthinking highly of yourself\u201d is generally more closely related to \u201cself esteem\u201d or \u201cself concept.\u201d \u00a0Self-love, on the other hand, is more of an active thing; loving one\u2019s self as one might love another. \u00a0Feeling a sense of compassion and goodwill toward yourself, wanting yourself to feel happy, wanting to make yourself smile and laugh\u2026 these are the hallmarks of self-love.<\/p>\n The more you love yourself, the happier your life becomes. \u00a0When you love yourself, you\u00a0make life decisions that are good for your happiness, you treat yourself gently and lovingly rather than harshly and critically, and you take time out of your day simply to make yourself\u00a0happy<\/em>. \u00a0This is a very direct chain of cause and effect; practice metta meditation -> parts of your brain that generate feelings of love grow stronger through processes of neuroplasticity<\/a>\u00a0-> brain outputs more feelings of love -> you begin to love yourself (and everything else) more -> you are constantly making yourself happy -> your life fills with unbelievable amounts of happiness. \u00a0It ain\u2019t rocket science.<\/p>\n It\u2019s neuroscience.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Metta Meditation increases our inclination toward acts of kindness.<\/strong><\/p>\n Behavior follows mindset. \u00a0As you might imagine, wanting people to be happy leads to actions that are intended to make other people happy and relieve the suffering of other conscious beings. \u00a0When we generate love inside of ourselves, we generate acts of kindness that extend outside of our own bodies.<\/p>\n These acts of kindness not only improve the lives of the people around you, but they even improve your own life. \u00a0Many studies have shown that acting kindly actually makes the kind person happier. \u00a0Giving is often far more fulfilling than receiving.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Metta Meditation improves the way we interact with other conscious beings.<\/strong><\/p>\n When we look at others with love, when we speak to others with compassion, when we act toward others with kindness, everyone around you becomes a \u201cfriend,\u201d a \u201ccompanion,\u201d or a \u201clover.\u201d<\/p>\n I\u2019ve spent much of my life in cities like New York and Miami, and I can tell you from personal experience that many people (including my younger self) walk around surrounded by millions of people yet\u00a0feeling completely and utterly alone. \u00a0I remember feeling, on subway rides under Manhattan, that I couldn\u2019t reach out and interact with the people around me. \u00a0\u201cAvoid eye contact with strangers\u201d is kind of an unspoken rule of the subway, the street, and, one could say, NYC in general.<\/p>\n When I started practicing metta meditation, all of that changed dramatically. \u00a0Instead of looking at my iPhone, I found myself looking around, with a peaceful &\u00a0loving\u00a0smile on my face, at all the beautiful people around me. \u00a0I can tell you from personal experience that looking at people without love in your heart tends to make them uncomfortable, and this discomfort quickly spreads to you (the looker) as well. \u00a0Looking at people with love in your heart, on the other hand, brings out a real, beautiful, genuine smile in a huge percentage of the people who see you looking at them. \u00a0You can almost see the invisible barriers melting away as their facial expressions melt from boredom, indifference, and stress to happiness, connection, love and appreciation.<\/p>\n As I continued to practice metta meditation, I found more and more that those smiles would turn into greetings, those greetings would turn into conversations, and those conversations would turn into beautiful spiritual encounters, lasting friendships, and romantic relationships. \u00a0Metta meditation really does change your relationship with all the people around you, which improves your life, their lives, and the society that surrounds us all.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Metta Meditation decreases violence in our societies, and increases feelings of love, unity, and brotherhood.<\/strong><\/p>\n As you practice loving-kindness meditation, your interactions with the people around you transform from cold & distant to warm & loving. \u00a0We humans are a social species, and emotions can ripple quickly through a herd. \u00a0Just like in a herd of antelope, where one dude gets spooked by a shadow and the whole herd freaks out and stampedes away, our human herds (cities, countries, societies, civilizations) are very sensitive to what\u2019s happening on the individual level.<\/p>\n Let\u2019s use a\u00a0simple\u00a0example from the previous section; interactions on the subway. \u00a0I have love in my heart, so I smile at the old man who walks into the train and give him my seat instead of pretending not to see him (like most of the other people are doing). \u00a0The old man smiles. \u00a0So do a bunch\u00a0of people around us, even if they hide it by looking down at their shoes. \u00a0These smiles, positive thoughts, and happy feelings release dopamine and serotonin (happy chemicals) in their brains. \u00a0It lightens their moods. \u00a0When these people get home, they are all in slightly better moods, which affects their interactions with their families and other assorted homies. \u00a0Their family members and homies are thus put into slightly better moods, etc. \u00a0The love ripples outward into the society. \u00a0You can contrast this example in your mind with someone who comes into the train yelling and cursing at people, causing anxiety to dozens of people, stressing them out, releasing cortisol in their brains, and darkening their moods. \u00a0When they get home in bad moods, they cause more anxiety for the people at home, etc etc.<\/p>\n In our human civilizations, each person\u2019s emotions ripple outward. \u00a0Ripples interact with other ripples, sometimes adding together, sometimes cancelling each other out, like waves in the ocean. \u00a0By practicing metta meditation, your ripples become\u00a0more love and less hate, more peace\u00a0and less violence, more joy\u00a0and less fear. \u00a0If we really strive toward world peace, like Miss America always says, then we should focus more, as a society, on practicing metta meditation.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n So! \u00a0Without further ado, the guided meditation that you\u2019ve been waiting for for your entire life (or at least since you started reading this article)\u2026 drum roll please\u2026<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Step 1: Settle into this moment, quiet your mind, and be at peace within yourself.<\/strong><\/p>\n In order to fully concentrate<\/em> on generating feelings of love, you must first let go of all the thoughts that are cluttering up your mind.<\/p>\n To do this, try paying attention to your breathing process for a few minutes.<\/p>\n You might notice your torso inflating and deflating as you inhale and exhale. \u00a0Take a moment to notice that now.<\/p>\n You might notice that you can feel the air moving in and out of your nostrils. \u00a0Take another moment to notice that now.<\/p>\n Keep watching your body breathe for\u00a0another few minutes, with your eyes closed.<\/p>\n PRO TIP:<\/strong>\u00a0When you close your eyes and try to pay attention to your breathing, you will most likely notice your mind get distracted by something (a thought or other sensation) and move away from the breath. \u00a0This often happens within a few minutes (or even seconds) of closing your eyes\u00a0to meditate! \u00a0As a general rule, whatever catches\u00a0your attention will tend to seem\u00a0very, very important to you in that moment, and\u00a0you will likely feel a very strong urge\u00a0to focus on it. \u00a0If you notice that happening, resist the urge to follow the thought<\/em>! \u00a0Just keep watching your breathing.<\/span><\/span>\u00a0 You may even find yourself\u00a0suddenly \u201cremembering,\u201d 10 minutes from now, that you had been trying to meditate, but your mind had taken you on a fantastic journey without you even noticing. \u00a0This is all normal, so don\u2019t worry about it! \u00a0The mind has a tendency to wander. \u00a0When it does, just keep watching your breathing<\/span>. \u00a0It\u2019s really as simple as that (but nobody said it was easy). \u00a0Whatever happens, just keep watching your breathing<\/span>. \u00a0This will quiet and concentrate your mind enough to move on to Step 2:\u00a0Observe your feelings of peace and contentment.<\/p>\n Try it now: Watch yourself breathing for the next 5 minutes, with your eyes closed\u2026 and whatever happens, even if you drift into lala land and totally lose track of your breathing for 15\u00a0minutes\u2026 don\u2019t worry about it\u2026 just keep watching your breathing<\/span>.<\/p>\n Step 2: Observe your feelings of peace and contentment.<\/strong><\/p>\n NOTE:<\/strong> If your mind wandered a lot, don\u2019t worry about it. \u00a0Just the act of trying<\/em> to watch your breathing\u00a0is<\/em> meditation, even if your mind was wandering the whole time. \u00a0Simply through the act of\u00a0trying<\/em> to keep your attention from wandering, you became more aware of your mind \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n Take this moment to rest, and enjoy the experience of this moment.<\/p>\n Keep watching your breathing, but feel your entire body at the same time.<\/p>\n Notice what you are hearing, by paying attention to your ears.<\/p>\n Notice what you are smelling, by paying attention to your nose.<\/p>\n Notice what you are seeing, by paying attention to your eyes.<\/p>\n Just be here now, in this moment, in this place, and enjoy the experience of being alive.<\/p>\n Close your eyes for a moment and\u00a0observe<\/em> the feelings of peace and contentment that arise from just being here, now, at peace. \u00a0Just rest for a moment before Step 3.<\/p>\n Step 3: Think of somebody you don\u2019t like.<\/strong><\/p>\n Think of somebody you just can\u2019t stand. \u00a0Somebody who annoys you. \u00a0Somebody you had a fight with, or somebody who hates you, or somebody who just overall stresses you out. \u00a0Have you got somebody in mind? \u00a0If not, take a minute to think of a few people who might fit the bill, and notice your emotional reactions when you think about each of them. \u00a0Whoever inspires the strongest discomfort in you\u00a0is the person you should use for this exercise.<\/p>\n Step 4: Remember how\u00a0you felt when you had a negative encounter with that person.<\/strong><\/p>\n If you have an uncomfortable relationship, think of how you feel when you\u2019re around the person.<\/p>\n If you had a fight or an upsetting experience with the person, try to remember how angry, upset, anxious or afraid you felt in that moment.<\/p>\n Close your eyes for a moment and really, deeply remember how you felt.<\/p>\n Step 5: Generate compassion and love for yourself. \u00a0Be kind to yourself \ud83d\ude42<\/strong><\/p>\n Think back to your past-self in that moment\u2026 an upset, angry, suffering human being.<\/p>\n Now, generate compassion for your past-self by sincerely wishing to relieve his\/her suffering. \u00a0Close your eyes and wish for\u00a0your past-self to have felt\u00a0peaceful and happy in that moment (kind of like the way you felt a few minutes ago in steps 1 and 2).<\/p>\n Step 6: Imagine the suffering\u00a0the other person felt in your unpleasant encounter.<\/strong><\/p>\n OK, now bring that person back into your mind again. \u00a0That hated, evil, terrible, annoying, stressful person. \u00a0Consider how he\/she felt during your encounter, or when you\u00a0were\u00a0around each other. \u00a0Really take a moment to close your eyes and consider how he\/she feels all the time, what it\u2019s like to be that person, to go through life as that person\u2026<\/p>\n Step 7: Generate compassion and love for the other.<\/strong><\/p>\n Take a moment to notice how you feel\u00a0when you think about the suffering of that person.<\/p>\n Is it similar to the way you feel when you think about the suffering of your past-self?<\/p>\n Notice if you have any feeling of sadness for the person\u2019s suffering.<\/p>\n Consider; would you like to help relieve that person\u2019s suffering?<\/p>\n Imagine you\u2019re like Professor X and you can use your mind to interact with other minds far away. \u00a0Imagine you can beam feelings of peace and love and happiness and contentment to other people. \u00a0Now, close your eyes and imagine sending a beam of peace, love, and happiness to that person. \u00a0Smile while you do it \ud83d\ude42 \u00a0Know that just by healing your own negative feelings toward that person, you are healing your relationship with that person, which will ultimately ease his (or her) suffering, at least a little bit, and give him (or her) something to be happy about.<\/p>\n Imagine giving that person a big hug \ud83d\ude42 \u00a0Whether or not the person\u00a0would reciprocate in real life, he or she would appreciate the gesture. \u00a0Everybody loves to be loved.<\/p>\n Step 8: Realize that all conscious beings experience suffering and happiness, and wish peace & happiness upon them all \ud83d\ude42<\/strong><\/p>\n Use your Professor X mind-beam to send out feelings of peace and happiness to all the conscious beings on Earth, and throughout the whole of Existence!<\/p>\n Close your eyes and sit for a few minutes, just generating feelings of peace and love and happiness, and sending them out to all the suffering beings in the Universe \ud83d\ude42 \u00a0Enjoy!<\/p>\n Welcome back!\u00a0\u00a0I hope you enjoyed your meditation! \u00a0By practicing metta meditation this one time, you\u2019ve already increased your brain\u2019s capacity for empathy, compassion, love, and kindness. \u00a0Keep practicing, and see how much more powerful your love can grow!<\/p>\n May all beings be happy \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n Namaste.<\/p>\n \u2014 update, July 14th, 2017 \u2014<\/strong><\/p>\n Hi guys! It\u2019s Kevin here (author of this article, and Editor in Chief of www.meditationmag.com) \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n I just wanted to let you know \u2014 in case you\u2019re interested in diving deeper into love & kindness \u2014 I just published a new eBook full of meditations to help open your heart! It\u2019s centered around the practices of metta meditation, but it also goes more deeply into things like presence, empathy, compassion, love, and kindness. The eBook also gets into some practical ways that you can mindfully improve your relationships. CLICK HERE<\/a> to check out some of the sample pages so you can see what\u2019s inside!<\/p>\nA Practical Guide to\u00a0Loving Kindness Meditation<\/h3>\n
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